I see a law at work and a war in my members.

My heart, downcast and aggrieved

But my spirit vehemently searching for answers

There appears to be a duplicity

I’m here, present with my heart, and sitting with my emotions

Feeling and fully being aware of all locations pain exist within my physical body,

While yet, my spirit is away searching through the dangerous woods of depravity for God

Searching for clarity

Searching for a place where this pain can be alleviated

Searching for insight that surpasses the limitations of mortality

Crying out to God to understand why, how, and when

My heart sits with me in the dark rooms of despair

My heart cries when I can’t see it coming down my eyes

My heart quietly listens when I need to vent without offering advice that religiously dismisses the validity of my very real and human experience

My heart interprets the painful silence within

Hmph. I see how both of my members are at work

One in service to my humanity and one in service to my divinity

Damn. I’m complex

My existence is complex

My experience is complex

Perhaps, my members are at war, but not against one another and certainly not against me

Perhaps, they are at war with all that entraps me

Perhaps, they are brave soldiers fighting to keep my soul safe

Perhaps, they are at work to help my soul awaken

Perhaps, they are at work to help my soul persevere

Perhaps, they are at work to help me transcend pain and transcend fear

Perhaps, they are not damned and sinful

Perhaps, they are righteous

Perhaps my spirit is indignant

Perhaps my heart is immensely empathetic

Perhaps….I see a different law at work and a war in my members.

Chronicling my journey through grief and loss — Using my thoughts & words as a courageous tool for transparency and a vehicle for empathy, connection, and hope.

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